The Nun (2005) – The Cut Up #2

This episode is lost episode #1. It was somehow lost in the shuffle between different video hosts. However, you can still read the original cut up text below.

When you think of nuns, the idea of them being evil isn’t too surprising. Considering the fact that they pledge their lives against the powers of Satan, have to wear outdated attire and that most of them have never been laid, it’s not hard to imagine they would be pissed off. Especially if one were killed by her students.

We start with a crazy sequence of some girl students at a catholic school all talking and giggling and then the nun approaches. They rush to their seats and act as though they’re being their quiet, polite selves. The nun suddenly finds that one of the girls is writing a note and forces her to eat it. The nun then grabs the girl by the neck and with some supernatural powers, flings her up against the wall. Then the woman wakes up, it was only a dream.

Then we zoom to a graduation party and with the main character Eva and her friends partying. We find Eva is flirting around and ends up down in the basement making-out with some guy. Someone turns the water on her and we zoom back to the house where the woman woke up.

She becomes disoriented and starts putting many things away. Things that look like scrap books and photos. She hears a noise and asks “Is that you Eva?” Of course, there is no reply so she goes to inspect. Once in the kitchen, she sees that the drain is full of water. She begins to plunge it with no success. Then many odd things happen and we start to see a figure forming in the water. At this time, Eva pulls up, gets out of her vehicle and shuts her door. As she goes to walk inside, we see the woman struggling and the figure turning into a nun. Eva then walks into the kitchen and finds her mother slashed at the throat and the nun figure leap away.

The police show up and question everyone. They declare it a suicide, ignoring Eva’s cries that she saw someone. The movie then take many turns and leads to the explaination of Eva’s mother, and then some.

I think the movie starting out with the nun having powers would’ve made for a more entertaining B movie because The Nun was way too predictable. You could tell the ending before the movie really got started.

As with all psycho-(ill)logical thriller movies, there are huge continuity issues and nothing ever adds up. I wish these films would take the time to explain to us just how the killer had the time and the provisions to pull off such stunts. Please?

The water effects in the movie were pretty cool to watch, for the most part. The nun looked kind of silly in some scenes due to the make up and water “wubble” effect they put on her as she floats but most of the time she was effective. Once you get to the end though, you can’t help but feel like the director or whoever found out how to do all kinds of tricks with water and a camera and decided to use them all in a film.

All kidding and damning aside, the movie is not completely awful. There are some very entertaining scenes. I think what really kills this movie is that it should have been about eighty minutes tops, but it crawls to almost an hour and forty. Those scenes worth checking out happen to few and far between to make it cohesively entertaining. You kind of find yourself wondering “When is the next death?” when you know this isn’t a slasher movie. The story, clues and execution of the surprise ending in a thriller should be the driving force, where in The Nun they’re not, they’re just tacked on cheaply.

Too be fair, The Nun is not a true B movie. There was a bigger budget for this movie than the normal B movie would get and the dialog, though not quotable, isn’t too laughable; it’s just boring. It’s a very mainstream release, even considering the title and DVD cover. If you enjoy all of those Scream-esque movies, this one will probably thrill you just as much. If you like a more ridiculous B movie like the Leprechaun Series or the Evil Dead Series, don’t bother with this one.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *