All posts by The Cutter

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988) – The Cut Up #5

Check out Best and Worst Scenes and the Best and Worst Quotes from the B horror movie Killer Clowns from Outer Space, as done by The B Movie Cut Up.

Mike and Debbie are on top of the world, literally, that’s what the local make-out spot is called, when they see a shooting star. Instead of staying there and scoring, they decide to go and inspect it.

Before they get there, a local old man has the same idea while going to hunt for food. Him and his dog Pooh march out to the woods and the old man is just starstruck by what he sees. A giant big top tent, but this one is obviously different than what he remembers as a kid. As the old man investigates, Pooh disappears and the old man gets angry. He finds that he is not alone; there are clowns. He is shot by the clowns and never seen again.

Upon looking for it, all they see is a big top tent, so they go inside to check it out. They find a very weird place, nothing like any big top they’ve been to before. Via Elevator, they find a room full of cotton candy that hangs individually like pods and inspect them. Debbie feels weird about them, so mike rips a piece off to show her it’s okay but to their horror, they see a bloody human face inside!

They quickly hide when they hear a noise. It’s a clown! The clown is walking around and fiddling with some levers and buttons until Mike says something a little to loud and they sprint for the elevator.

A couple of clowns chase them but Mike and Debbie escape and try to tell the local police about it. The clowns aren’t going to take this laying down, so they all gather together and start to walk into town and that is when the clowny carnage begins.

"Where the hell is the Pepto? I always get an upset stomach on the tilt-a-whirl."

I have been watching this movie since I was a kid. I hadn’t heard of it when it was released but in those days we didn’t have OnDemand, so HBO would hook people up with free service for about a month every year. So we recorded it on a VHS tape (which we actually still have) which was watched probably a million times.

Now the question I keep asking myself is would I be as much of a fan of this movie if I had never seen it before? My answer is yes. I still buy B horror movies often; the box sets and the sales are all top game. So eventually, I would have come across this bad boy and absolutely loved it. I also figured that it can’t just be the memories considering the gags in the movie are hilarious and some are just downright genius.

Out of all of the great ingredients in this movie, the best thing about it is probably the title. You know from the get-go that the Chiodo brothers were making a B horror movie and that’s all there was to it. Killer, good, Klowns, mispelled and heading in the right direction — from outer space; hot damn!

The clowns get-up is scary as hell. They have huge disgusting teeth and their laugh is what haunts children’s dreams. For the first half of the movie, you are welcomed to laugh along with the fun but eventually you start to realize that there is a real serious danger going on here. They have come to feed and won’t stop until the humans are wiped out.

The budget for the movie was two million, which is not a lot by yesterdays or todays standards but they really made it stretch in this movie. For a B movie, everything looks realistic and to a lesser extent, convincing. Sure, it’s not all completely perfect, it is a B movie after-all but the feeling is present through the whole thing and that’s what’s important.

Unfortunately, I needed to keep the video from being too long so I was only able to include a few scenes. I had to leave some amazing scenes out that I’m a bit ashamed about but I had to make sure all the bases were covered, from funny to genius to scary. This is why you need to go and buy the dvd. Not to mention, all of the special behind the scenes special features that it has. It has over an hour of how they performed the gags and effects and it’s really interesting.

Despite anything you see or hear, if you’re a fan of B horror, you must own this movie; it’s a classic! It’s also earned a Choice Cut award from The Cut Up and deservingly so. Kudos to you, Chiodo Brothers! May your killer klowns sequel see the light of day!

"King Klown, beast of the big top! 9th wonder of the world!"

The Dentist (1996) – The Cut Up #4

Check out Continuity Problems, Best and Worst Scenes and the Best and Worst Quotes from the B horror movie The Dentist. Have you scheduled your next check-up?

Many people are afraid of doctors. Whether they’re surgeons, practitioners or pediatricians, people become antsy around them as if every one of them is a malpractice trial waiting to happen. We all know this isn’t true but what if your fear did come to life though? Your doctor messes up on a procedure and leaves you in a state, incapable of doing something that you could before. Perhaps a procedure for your teeth?

Meet Alan, he’s a dentist. Everything in his life seems to be perfect. He has a beautiful house, a gorgeous wife, a muscular pool boy; everything is right in the world. Alan, However, has a problem. He’s a bit off his rocker, stating that he hates the decay of not only teeth but of people and the world.

It’s Alan’s anniversary with his wife and everything was supposed to go perfectly. Until he gets suspicious from seeing his wife wearing nothing underneath her robe while the pool boy is around. Alan leaves for work but decides to come back and catches his wife in the act with the pool boy but decides to let it be…for now.

The movie continues on and Alan goes through the day imagining his patients as his wife or day dreams about his cheating wife and keeps messing up on procedures for the patients. An IRS agent is on his back about his taxes as well. Slowly, he gets crazier and crazier until he just can’t take it anymore.

One nosy nurse, one Opera themed dentist room, several dead people and one dead dog later the dentist finds himself being chased by the cops which escalates into a very unsatisfying ending.

"So, you've been coming for your six month check-ups right?"

The Dentist character is a clean freak, for your very soul! He is the enemy of decay! The guy playing him does a decent job but they could have turned this into a much better movie. The potential and idea was there but the overall execution didn’t quite pull it off.

I think the movie did one of the things it meant to by scaring the normal person into giving a second thought to their own dentist but I also think that the pacing could have been revamped a bit. The beginning of the movie goes so damn slow that you almost forget that it’s supposed to be about a crazy dentist. Once the scenes show up where he is working on patients though, you’re rewarded. Scenes like him drilling and ruining teeth, over clamping jobs and stabbing tongues are all here and are all things that would make the people-afraid-of-dentists cringe.

I was also surprised by the special effects but then at other times I was disappointed. All of the tooth shots look so fake, it’s laughable while other scenes where they show blood actually look pretty realistic.

My biggest gruff with this movie is what he does to his wife. He pulls out her teeth to teach her for sucking the pool boys cock but in my mind, that doesn’t seem like a fitting punishment especially when the pool boy might be getting a perk out of that deal. Also, the fact that he loves Opera isn’t brought up until halfway through the movie when we’re introduced to his Opera themed dentist room. This is a biggie because it’s what tames him at the end of the movie and stops him from killing more. You’d think they would have beefed the Opera idea up a bit more.

This movie isn’t horrible but it’s not good either. All in all I would say that it’s more on the bad side due to the pacing and dialog. The pacing slows down to a crawl when it should be running full force and the dialog is supposed to be cheesy but comes off as too serious from most of the actors. I would suggest watching this movie if you have an appointment the next day; it might make you reschedule.

Slugs (1988) – The Cut Up #3

Check out Continuity Problems, Best and Worst Scenes and the Best and Worst Quotes from the B horror movie Slugs, as done by The B Movie Cut Up.

Slugs, though slimy, are a very innocent. Laying in dark, damp areas all day and coming out at night to eat grass and other assorted green veggies that you may have growing in your garden. However, if these slugs were growing together in a town that used to be a toxic waste dump while Halloween is approaching, you can bet that these same slugs are going to try and rip your head off.

It starts with Mike Brady…Well, not yet. it starts with a guy and his gal in a boat. The gal wants to swim but the guy does not. She begins to disrobe but he falls in. As she pleas with him that it isn’t funny, all she can see is a big blood bubble rise in the water!

Ahem, now it starts with Mike Brady. he’s an important guy in town. So important, in fact, that he is meeting the chief of police in the morning to help evict a drunk from his home! The system does work! Once they get there though, all they find is a mutilated body and sludge on the floor.

Complaints ensue about the sewer and deaths are happening all too often. After finding out about the town being built on a toxic waste dump, seeing big, no, ENORMOUS slugs and one dead hamster they eventually point to one final alternative: Killer Mutant Slugs and they’re breeding in the Sewers!

Then Mike Brady and his trusty sidekick from the sanitation department go all out to try and save the town, even if they destroyed half of it in the process.

I’m not even sure where to begin here. From the acting and dialog to the music and sound. This movie is the perfect example of the B horror movie feeling.

The guy who plays Mike Brady does a great job of overacting yet never acting all at once. His face never changes, he always has that caveman expression on his face and he thinks everyone is an asshole for not believing his slugs theory. He is a man to look up to!

He’s not the only one though, all of the acting is so amateurish in this movie that I don’t know if I can give anyone credit in this movie for it. The only one who I think had a shred of charisma is the sanitation guy with the ugly wife. The only reason he wasn’t the lead is probably because he doesn’t have the face for it. The best thing to watch in this movie though are peoples reactions to the situations. You will laugh out loud at them.

The script for this movie must have been written by a slug because some of the things they say range from stupid to, what the hell is he talking about? I can’t believe the things that people would actually say on camera. Didn’t anyone even think

‘hey, this doesn’t sound right…” or “why don’t I say it like this?” All I know is when a powerful city official stands up and tells you “You don’t have the authority to declare happy birthday!” then you know something is foul.

Speaking of script, the movies setting was supposed to take place during Halloween, but you wouldn’t know that because they only refer to it maybe once or twice and there are abolsutely no Halloween decorations anywhere! There is one pumpkin at a party that the high school kids go to; that’s it! Where are the trick or treaters? Where are the houses covered in decor? Where is the god-damn candy?

As far as music and sound, this movie uses the same music over and over like a Scooby Doo cartoon. Some of the music sounds creepy but some other music sounds like it was ripped from Dukes of Hazard. The sound is stupid. They try to add in those cues for the jump scare but the jump was never there to begin with. Who edited this movie?

I really wish the title of this was Killer Mutant Slugs but it was based on a book by Shaun Hutson, so apparently they had to keep the title. Shaun is so embarrassed by it though that he tells people to stay away from it!

I assure you he isn’t saying that just because he is embarrassed because the movie is really that bad. I would only suggest this movie for those who know what they’re getting into. If you hate B horror that is cheesy to the fullest extent, then avoid this. However, if you like to watch movies that are awful with your friends on a Friday night with a pizza in tow, it’s highly suggested.

The Nun (2005) – The Cut Up #2

This episode is lost episode #1. It was somehow lost in the shuffle between different video hosts. However, you can still read the original cut up text below.

When you think of nuns, the idea of them being evil isn’t too surprising. Considering the fact that they pledge their lives against the powers of Satan, have to wear outdated attire and that most of them have never been laid, it’s not hard to imagine they would be pissed off. Especially if one were killed by her students.

We start with a crazy sequence of some girl students at a catholic school all talking and giggling and then the nun approaches. They rush to their seats and act as though they’re being their quiet, polite selves. The nun suddenly finds that one of the girls is writing a note and forces her to eat it. The nun then grabs the girl by the neck and with some supernatural powers, flings her up against the wall. Then the woman wakes up, it was only a dream.

Then we zoom to a graduation party and with the main character Eva and her friends partying. We find Eva is flirting around and ends up down in the basement making-out with some guy. Someone turns the water on her and we zoom back to the house where the woman woke up.

She becomes disoriented and starts putting many things away. Things that look like scrap books and photos. She hears a noise and asks “Is that you Eva?” Of course, there is no reply so she goes to inspect. Once in the kitchen, she sees that the drain is full of water. She begins to plunge it with no success. Then many odd things happen and we start to see a figure forming in the water. At this time, Eva pulls up, gets out of her vehicle and shuts her door. As she goes to walk inside, we see the woman struggling and the figure turning into a nun. Eva then walks into the kitchen and finds her mother slashed at the throat and the nun figure leap away.

The police show up and question everyone. They declare it a suicide, ignoring Eva’s cries that she saw someone. The movie then take many turns and leads to the explaination of Eva’s mother, and then some.

I think the movie starting out with the nun having powers would’ve made for a more entertaining B movie because The Nun was way too predictable. You could tell the ending before the movie really got started.

As with all psycho-(ill)logical thriller movies, there are huge continuity issues and nothing ever adds up. I wish these films would take the time to explain to us just how the killer had the time and the provisions to pull off such stunts. Please?

The water effects in the movie were pretty cool to watch, for the most part. The nun looked kind of silly in some scenes due to the make up and water “wubble” effect they put on her as she floats but most of the time she was effective. Once you get to the end though, you can’t help but feel like the director or whoever found out how to do all kinds of tricks with water and a camera and decided to use them all in a film.

All kidding and damning aside, the movie is not completely awful. There are some very entertaining scenes. I think what really kills this movie is that it should have been about eighty minutes tops, but it crawls to almost an hour and forty. Those scenes worth checking out happen to few and far between to make it cohesively entertaining. You kind of find yourself wondering “When is the next death?” when you know this isn’t a slasher movie. The story, clues and execution of the surprise ending in a thriller should be the driving force, where in The Nun they’re not, they’re just tacked on cheaply.

Too be fair, The Nun is not a true B movie. There was a bigger budget for this movie than the normal B movie would get and the dialog, though not quotable, isn’t too laughable; it’s just boring. It’s a very mainstream release, even considering the title and DVD cover. If you enjoy all of those Scream-esque movies, this one will probably thrill you just as much. If you like a more ridiculous B movie like the Leprechaun Series or the Evil Dead Series, don’t bother with this one.

Leprechaun in the Hood (2000) – The Cut Up #1

Check out Best…well…Worst Scenes and the Worst Quotes from the B horror movie Leprechaun in the Hood, as done by The Cut Up. Hide your pot of gold and grab your glock! (This is another lost episode from the cut up archives)

Evil’s in the House indeed with Leprechaun 5. Since the abysmal disaster that was Leprechaun in Space, we now have a whole new spin on the universe of the Lep. I was treated to a viewing of this movie just recently (Just in time for St. Patty’s Day!) and now shall you be served a review of it, along with your cold corned beef and cabbage.

The movie starts off strong with Mack Daddy (Ice T) and a crony of his finding their way to the Leprechauns (Warwick Davis) now dark and cold home. Mack Daddy is after the Leps magical flute, even though we never find out how he knows it’s magical. We soon find out that it has brought him wealth, health and lots of success.

Being the head of a gangsta rap label is hard work, but it’s even harder trying to become large as a positive rap group. In steps Stray Bullet, Butch and Postmaster P (Anthony Montgomery). They suck, is the consensus and they need something that can bring them to the top and fast before the big battle of the bands in Las Vegas.

In pops Mack Daddy with all of his money and fame. Since Stray Bullet seems to know Mack, he gets them a sort of tryout for the label. Mack Daddy doesn’t like what he hears but they’re hungry so he’ll give him a shot. The only catch is they need to give up their positive outlook and go gangsta. Postmaster P is not swayed and so Mack kicks them the hell out!

So then they decide to get back at Mack, by stealing his shit! They end up going gangsta after all! When they arrive at Macks place, they didn’t count on one thing; stealing the wrong necklace that keeps the Leprechaun in stone form!

Once they take the necklace, and Macks flute, they are thrown in a crazy adventure about rapping, killing, getting large and arguments about physical and meta-physical phenomenon.

Starring in this movie caused Ice-T's face to bleed!

Personally, I have not seen all of the Leprechaun movies. 1 and 2, I couldn’t finish the horrible piece of crap that was 4 and I just recently watched 5. I’d have to say that after watching 5, it kind of helped out the series considering 4. Once you go “In Space!” usually there is no going back. However, Leprechaun has never been about continuity. With every movie, new rules are introduced and taken away. One scene may have the Leprechaun die a certain way, the next may have him immune to it. One movie ends in space, the next begins in the hood. You can’t follow it, so don’t try.

Really, the plot of this movie doesn’t get too ridiculous until they add the Lep in there. When it’s about 3 guys trying to make it big “Hey, go for it guys!” but when it’s 3 guys trying to make it big while a Leprechaun is after his loot that they stole, well things get a bit crazy.

"I said I'm wearing green y'all! I'm short and can't be seen y'all!"

I couldn’t help but wonder why Butch wouldn’t get out of Compton based on his scholarly feats. The guy knew all about mixing chemicals and such so why not go and be a pharmacist and forget the rap? Because then we wouldn’t have a Lep in the Hood!

Either way, if I was using a rating system of any kind, this movie would get 2 and a half pots of gold out of 5. The plot is crazy, the slapstick humor exists, there is just too much pop culture mashing here to pass up at least one sit through of this. Hopefully I can get my hands on Leprechaun: Back 2 tha Hood soon and make a comparison. From scenes of the Lep ripping off Macks finger to the final scene where Butch and Postmaster P dress up in drag and almost go down on the Lep to get the flute back, it’s going to be hard to top.

Word.